So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
