So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
