The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
