she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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