whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
