Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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