No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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