i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
