maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
