I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
