we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
