??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
