One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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