He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize