I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
