I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
