i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize