can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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