omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
