i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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