Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize