It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
