just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone came in the potted fern
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
