Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize