I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
