Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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