so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
