Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
