shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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