Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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