Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
