I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
