i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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