i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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