There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
