dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
third nipple confirmed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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