dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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