i think my tv is drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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