How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
