shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
