True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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