a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
