if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
