Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
