Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
