fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
