I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize