I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wanna go halves on a baby?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
tell me about the eggs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
