And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
