Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
