She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
