we have officially lost it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
