I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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