got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
