His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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