its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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