I am puke
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
