Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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