We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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