Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
