Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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