i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
now i know why i became what i already was.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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