Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
