I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
