Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need water and some morals
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
