Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
